We need to understand what is going on behind candle patterns and price movements. Imagine thousands of traders coming to their desks each day all around the world and processing orders involving billions of dollars worth of currency.
The price at which they bought the currency now represents a key level for them. They do not want to see price go in the opposite direction or they will be at a loss. So what happens? They do everything possible to protect that price level.
The daily chart is of particular importance when considering support and resistance as a Forex signal. Traders associated with big institutions often refer to the daily chart rather than lower time frames. So price highs and lows on a daily chart can represent key, strategic price levels.
If price reached a high within the last few days, you can be sure a number of traders have millions or even billions of dollars worth of currency tied up at around that level or below it. For price to go above that high there is going to have to be considerable buying pressure from the bulls. Obviously the converse is true when price reaches a new low.
So look at the higher time frames like the daily, and 4 hour charts and identify these key levels of support and resistance. They form a major Forex signal.
Where Price Spends Most Of It's Time
Here is another factor regarding support and resistance that makes it such a critical Forex signal.
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Most of the time price moves in a consolidation channel or range. Depending on the time frame you are looking at, it may be a 40 or 50 pip range on the higher levels, and within these larger levels are small trading ranges of 10 to 20 or 30 pips.
Some estimates put the amount of time the market is in consolidation around 60-80%. This means only 20-40% of the time price is actually trending, making new highs and lows.
This piece of information is critical. Once you have identified a trading range (it helps to put lines on your charts marking the high and low of the trading range) you can now manage trades much more effectively.
If you are considering going long and you see price is in a consolidation channel, you will not want to enter near the top of the channel. Wait for price to come back to the bottom of the channel by putting in an entry order and get taken into the trade. This way your stop is closer and your profit potential is greater.
Once price has moved through a major level of resistance, that level now becomes future support. Once price has moved through a major level of support, that level now becomes future resistance.
Include This In Your Daily Preparation
Every day when you open your charts look for this simple yet powerful Forex signal. Mark out your lines of support and resistance on each time frame you use. For example, if you customarily use daily, 4 hour, 1 hour, and 15 minute charts, mark out the key levels of support and resistance. Remember the more candles there are either side of the high or the low, the more significant that level becomes.
Then compare the various time frames and see if any of the levels you have marked coincide. Then look for suitable trading opportunities accordingly.
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
An effective Forex signal does not have to be complicated. Understanding how support and resistance works can make a huge difference to your consistency as a trader.
Don't pass over it because it is so simple. Remember, in the minds of the traders who pushed price to key levels, and who are defending positions involving billions of dollars, levels of support and resistance are hardly inconsequential!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Preventing Investment Mistakes
Most savings mistakes are caused by vital misunderstandings of the securities markets and by illogical performance expectations. The markets move in totally unpredictable repeatitive patterns of varying duration and amplitude. Evaluating the performance of the two major classes of investment securities needs to be done separately because they are owned for unalike purposes. Stock market equity investments are expected to produce realized central gains; income - producing investments are expected to found cash flow. Losing money on a speculation may not be the effect of an investment mistake, and not all mistakes result in monetary losses. But errors arise most frequently when judgment is unduly influenced by emotions near as fear and greed, hindsightful observations, and short - term market value comparisons with unrelated numbers. Your own misconceptions about how securities react to assorted economic, political, and hysterical plight are your most maleficent enemy. Master these ten risk - minimizers to improve your remote - term investment performance: 1. Develop an investment sketch. Identify realistic goals that hold considerations of time, risk - delicacy, and future income requirements - - - think about where you are going before you start live in the spurious order. A well thinking out plan will not necessitate a frequent adjustments. A hale - managed plan will not be susceptible to the addition of trendy speculations. 2. Learn to name between favor measure and diversification decisions. Asset share divides the assortment between equity and proceeds securities. Diversification is the tactic that limits the size of personage portfolio holdings in at least three dissimilar ways. Neither action is a circumvent, or a market timing devices. Neither can be done precisely with mutual funds, and both are handled most efficiently by using a cost basis approach corresponding the Working Capital Model. 3. Be tolerant with your plan. Although investing is always referred to as long - word, it is hardly dealt with as such by investors, the media, or financial advisors. Never change directive frequently, and always make gradual rather than drastic adjustments. Short - term market value movements exigency not be compared with un - portfolio related indices and averages. Efficient is no index that compares with your portfolio, and calendar sub - divisions have no relationship whatever to market, interest rate, or economic cycles. 4. Never upsurge in love with a security, particularly when the company was once your employer. It ' s nasty how often accounting and other professionals refuse to fix the yielding single - issue portfolios. Aside from the love controversy, this becomes an unwilling - to - pay - the - taxes problem that often brings the unrealized gain to the Schedule D as a realized loss. No profit, in any class of securities, that should ever go unrealized. A target profit use be plain as part of your plan. 5. Prevent " analysis paralysis " from short - circuiting your the nod - making powers. An overdose of illumination will cause confusion, hindsight, and an inability to distinguish between research and sales materials - - - quite often the same mark. A rather microscopic focus on information that supports a logical and well - documented investment strategy will be more productive in the long run. Avoid future predictors. 6. Burn, delete, flip out the window any short cuts or trick that are supposed to make available instant stock picking success with smallest effort. Don ' t allow your portfolio to become a wilderness of mutual funds, index ETFs, partnerships, pennies, hedges, shorts, strips, metals, grains, options, currencies, etc. Consumers ' obsession with goods underlines how Wall Street has false it impossible for financial professionals to survive without them. Remember: consumers pay money for products; investors select first securities. 7. Expose a workshop on interest rate expectation ( Storm ) sensitive securities and learn how to deal appropriately with changes in their market value - - - in either behest. The income segment of your assortment must be looked at independently from the growth portion. Bottom line market value changes must be expected and understood, not reacted to with either fear or covetousness. Fixed income does not signify fixed price. Few investors ever realize ( in either crasis ) the full potentiality of this portion of their portfolio. 8. Ignore Mother Nature ' s evil twin daughters, speculation and pessimism. They ' ll con you game buying at market peaks and panicking when prices fall, ignoring the cyclical opportunities provided by Momma. Never purchase at all time high prices or surplus the portfolio with up to date story stocks. Buy good companies, little by little, at lesser prices and avoid the typical investor ' s buy high, sell low frustration. 9. Step away from newspaper year, market value thinking. Mostly investment errors engross unrealistic time perspective, and / or “apples to bananas " performance comparisons. The get rich slowly path is a more reliable investment road that Wall Street has allowed to become indigenous, if not abandoned. Portfolio growth is rarely a straight - up bodkin and short - term comparisons with unrelated indices, averages or strategies simply produce detours that fury progress away from original portfolio goals. 10. Avoid the showy, the easy, the confusing, the most popular, the future knowing, and the one - size - fits - all. There are no freebies or decided things on Wall Street, and the further you stray from conventional stocks and bonds, the more risk you are adding to your portfolio. When cheap is an investor ' s smallest interest, what he gets will often be worth the price. Compounding the problems that mostly investors expression managing their investment portfolios is that the sensationalism that the media brings to the process. Step away from calendar year, market value thinking. Investing is a personal project locality individual / family goals and objectives right notice portfolio structure, management strategy, and performance evaluation techniques. Do most individual investors have difficulty in an environment that encourages being delight, supports all forms of fantasy, and gets off on shortsighted reports, reactions, and achievements? Yup.
Financial jokes
♣ Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich ? Because the poor didn't have any !
♣ A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
♣ How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? He was shocked.
♣ What did the man do when he got a big gas bill? He exploded.
♣ A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!"
figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
♣ If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
♣ At 18 years old, Rockfeller had no money. He found an apple in the street. The fruit was dirty he cleaned it and resold it 50 cents to a man walking in the street ... with his 50 cents he bought 2 apples 25 cents each, and resold them 1$ to another man walking in the street ... with his 1 dollar he bought 4 apples, and resold them of course 2$ ... at 19 years he inherited from his grandmother...
♣ How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror.
♣ If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.
♣ A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
♣ A student asked a professor of economics:
- What is the difference between socialism and capitalism ?
The professor answered
- Capitalism is the exploitation of humans by humans.
The Student:
- And socialism ?
The professor:
- It's the inverse of course.
♣ In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".
And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
♣ An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. The lady said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
♣ A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.
The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
♣ A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture .
♣ "Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself."
♣ Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
♣ There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
♣ When does a female deer need money? When she doesn't have a buck.
♣ A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take
that chance."
♣ A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."
"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"
"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"
♣ A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
♣ The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.
"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea ..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "... And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!?"
♣ "Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself."
♣ A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"
She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"
♣ When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
♣ Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you? Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.
№ 31 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !
№ 32 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals cages. Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright.
So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Mike was approached with a proposition: "Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred bucks?" Mike showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."
The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Well," said Mike, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."
№ 33 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
№ 34 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
№ 35 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
№ 36 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "Five-hundred dollars? What do you mean $500?!
№ 37 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
№ 38 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
№ 39 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.
Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.
The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blonde?"
№ 40 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
№ 41 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8,' his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
№ 42 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
№ 43 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
№ 44 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
№ 45 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."
"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."
"Great!" said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"
The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
№ 46 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
№ 47 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Uncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.
That is of course until the school year began. On the first day of school three young boys, full of pent up energy from a full day of school, came down his street. As they walked down the street they beat rhythmically on every trash can they past. Day after day, it was the same thing. Beating, clanging and pounding out a rhythm on the cans as they walked down the street. Poor Uncle Rusty just couldn't take it any more.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young musicians. As they worked their way down the street, pounding out a tune on the cans, Rusty stopped them and said, "You kids sure are having a lot of fun. I like seeing young people like you, express themselves. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang up job on the trash cans.
After two days, Uncle Rusty greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad expression on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The boys were not pleased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon concert. A couple of days later, Sly Uncle Rusty approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
With words that would ensure he would have peace and quiet from that day forward he said "Look, my Social Security check just isn't stretching as far with the expenses. So I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents a day. Will that be okay?"
"What?! Just a crummy quarter?" the boys exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
№ 48 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
№ 49 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man was walking down the street when he saw a woman with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
№ 50 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
№ 51 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was.
№ 52 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said. "I'm sorry if I've been staring, but you look just like my son who died recently.
"I'm sorry for your loss," the young man replied. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Well, as I'm leaving, could you just say 'Goodbye, mother!?' It would make me feel so much better." She gave him a sweet smile.
"Of course I can," the young man promised.
As she gathered her bags and left, he called out "Goodbye, mother!" just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.
Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. "That amount is wrong," he said. "I only have a few items!"
"Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her," explained the clerk.
№ 53 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed. 'Don't worry,' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'
№ 54 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
№ 55 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ The conservative businessman got on the elevator and curtly asked the bellboy to take him to the 18th floor. "Sure thing, son," replied the bellboy. "How dare you call me son!" exclaimed the outraged man. "Well," replied the boy, "I brought you up, didn't I?"
№ 56 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?" God replied, "1 second." The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?" And God replied, "A penny." Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?" And God replied, "Just a second."
№ 57 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"
"Sure," says the president.
That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.
The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.
The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.
"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"
She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"
№ 58 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
№ 59 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After nearly 24 hours of driving, they're tired and decide to stop at a nice hotel for a four-hour rest before getting back on the road. When they check out four hours later and the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350, the husband explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that it's a nice hotel, but the room certainly isn't worth $350. When the clerk says that's the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that are all available to their guests. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they're here, and you could have," insists the manager. He goes on to explain they could also have seen one of the hotel's fabulous shows. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the irate husband. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the manager replies. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" Still, the manager won't budge. The husband eventually gives up and writes a check, which he hands to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "Sir!" he says indignantly, "this check is only made out for $50." "That's correct," says the husband. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife." "I never slept with your wife!" exclaims the manager. "Well, too bad," the husband replies. "She was here and you could have."
№ 60 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?' His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?' Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'
№ 61 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
№ 62 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and grumbled, "I hate it when people seek free advice from me at parties."
The lawyer replied, "I know just what you mean. It happens to me all the time."
"How do you handle it," asked the doctor. "It seems rude not to answer a question when you are asked for advice during a social function."
"I just send the person a bill for your time" replied the lawyer.
"That's good," said the doctor. "I'll have to remember that."
The doctor went home and thought about writing a bill to the man who asked about the ulcer, but when he woke up the next day it had already slipped his mind. The night's events came rushing back to him the next day, however, when he opened his mail. In it, he found a bill for $100 from the lawyer for "consultation services rendered."
№ 63 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
№ 64 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
socializeit({domain:"financial-freedom-informant.com", whatIsThisUrl:'http://www.financial-freedom-informant.com/help/whats-this.html'});
♣ A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
♣ How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? He was shocked.
♣ What did the man do when he got a big gas bill? He exploded.
♣ A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!"
figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
♣ If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
♣ At 18 years old, Rockfeller had no money. He found an apple in the street. The fruit was dirty he cleaned it and resold it 50 cents to a man walking in the street ... with his 50 cents he bought 2 apples 25 cents each, and resold them 1$ to another man walking in the street ... with his 1 dollar he bought 4 apples, and resold them of course 2$ ... at 19 years he inherited from his grandmother...
♣ How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror.
♣ If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.
♣ A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
♣ A student asked a professor of economics:
- What is the difference between socialism and capitalism ?
The professor answered
- Capitalism is the exploitation of humans by humans.
The Student:
- And socialism ?
The professor:
- It's the inverse of course.
♣ In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".
And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
♣ An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. The lady said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
♣ A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.
The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
♣ A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture .
♣ "Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself."
♣ Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
♣ There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
♣ When does a female deer need money? When she doesn't have a buck.
♣ A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take
that chance."
♣ A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."
"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"
"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"
♣ A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
♣ The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.
"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea ..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "... And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!?"
♣ "Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself."
♣ A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"
She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"
♣ When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
♣ Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you? Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.
№ 31 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !
№ 32 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals cages. Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright.
So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Mike was approached with a proposition: "Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred bucks?" Mike showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."
The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Well," said Mike, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."
№ 33 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
№ 34 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
№ 35 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
№ 36 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "Five-hundred dollars? What do you mean $500?!
№ 37 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
№ 38 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
№ 39 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.
Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.
The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blonde?"
№ 40 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
№ 41 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8,' his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
№ 42 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
№ 43 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
№ 44 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
№ 45 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."
"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."
"Great!" said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"
The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
№ 46 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
№ 47 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Uncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.
That is of course until the school year began. On the first day of school three young boys, full of pent up energy from a full day of school, came down his street. As they walked down the street they beat rhythmically on every trash can they past. Day after day, it was the same thing. Beating, clanging and pounding out a rhythm on the cans as they walked down the street. Poor Uncle Rusty just couldn't take it any more.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young musicians. As they worked their way down the street, pounding out a tune on the cans, Rusty stopped them and said, "You kids sure are having a lot of fun. I like seeing young people like you, express themselves. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang up job on the trash cans.
After two days, Uncle Rusty greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad expression on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The boys were not pleased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon concert. A couple of days later, Sly Uncle Rusty approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
With words that would ensure he would have peace and quiet from that day forward he said "Look, my Social Security check just isn't stretching as far with the expenses. So I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents a day. Will that be okay?"
"What?! Just a crummy quarter?" the boys exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
№ 48 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
№ 49 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A man was walking down the street when he saw a woman with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
№ 50 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
№ 51 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was.
№ 52 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said. "I'm sorry if I've been staring, but you look just like my son who died recently.
"I'm sorry for your loss," the young man replied. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Well, as I'm leaving, could you just say 'Goodbye, mother!?' It would make me feel so much better." She gave him a sweet smile.
"Of course I can," the young man promised.
As she gathered her bags and left, he called out "Goodbye, mother!" just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.
Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. "That amount is wrong," he said. "I only have a few items!"
"Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her," explained the clerk.
№ 53 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed. 'Don't worry,' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'
№ 54 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
№ 55 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ The conservative businessman got on the elevator and curtly asked the bellboy to take him to the 18th floor. "Sure thing, son," replied the bellboy. "How dare you call me son!" exclaimed the outraged man. "Well," replied the boy, "I brought you up, didn't I?"
№ 56 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?" God replied, "1 second." The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?" And God replied, "A penny." Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?" And God replied, "Just a second."
№ 57 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"
"Sure," says the president.
That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.
The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.
The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.
"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"
She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"
№ 58 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
№ 59 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After nearly 24 hours of driving, they're tired and decide to stop at a nice hotel for a four-hour rest before getting back on the road. When they check out four hours later and the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350, the husband explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that it's a nice hotel, but the room certainly isn't worth $350. When the clerk says that's the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that are all available to their guests. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they're here, and you could have," insists the manager. He goes on to explain they could also have seen one of the hotel's fabulous shows. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the irate husband. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the manager replies. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" Still, the manager won't budge. The husband eventually gives up and writes a check, which he hands to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "Sir!" he says indignantly, "this check is only made out for $50." "That's correct," says the husband. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife." "I never slept with your wife!" exclaims the manager. "Well, too bad," the husband replies. "She was here and you could have."
№ 60 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?' His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?' Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'
№ 61 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
№ 62 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and grumbled, "I hate it when people seek free advice from me at parties."
The lawyer replied, "I know just what you mean. It happens to me all the time."
"How do you handle it," asked the doctor. "It seems rude not to answer a question when you are asked for advice during a social function."
"I just send the person a bill for your time" replied the lawyer.
"That's good," said the doctor. "I'll have to remember that."
The doctor went home and thought about writing a bill to the man who asked about the ulcer, but when he woke up the next day it had already slipped his mind. The night's events came rushing back to him the next day, however, when he opened his mail. In it, he found a bill for $100 from the lawyer for "consultation services rendered."
№ 63 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
№ 64 of Selected Financial jokes
♣ George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
socializeit({domain:"financial-freedom-informant.com", whatIsThisUrl:'http://www.financial-freedom-informant.com/help/whats-this.html'});
Making Better Forex Trades By Using A MACD Indicator
You know how to make better forex trades by using an MACD Indicator? This is quite important because it can help you strengthen the success rate of your forex trading strategy.
MACD is an acronym for Moving Average Convergence Divergence and it can help you determine which trades are more likely to result in a profitable outcome and which trades you should be avoiding or trading short.
When trading foreign currencies, its important to realize that the market can be quite volatile. This can mean a trade that might have shown signals of being profitable a few hours ago can turn suddenly into a downward spiral.
Success in the Forex market depends on using strategies and tools which help you to minimize losses and maximize the profitability if your trades. A MACD indicator helps you to track upwards trends in currency prices in real time, as well as spotting when a currency has peaked and is headed downwards.
How Do MACD Indicators Work? - The MACD is composed of a few different moving average indicators, each of which is pretty straightforward. One is the signal line (also known as the water line). This shows you the exponential moving average (EMA, for short) drawn from closing prices over the last nine days of trading in the currency market.
The upward or downward trend of a given currency are based on two different EMAs. There is a 12 day EMA as well as a 26 day EMA; taken together, these figures give you a better picture of the movements of this currency.
The MACD line may be above or below this EMA waterline. Based on where the EMA line falls, it indicates whether the currency you`re looking at is on the upswing or headed in the other direction.
Using the MACD Indicator in Your Forex Trades - Once you learn how to read the charts and come to an understanding of what the MACD`s movements mean you will be able to make better forex trades more easily. As any experienced Forex trader can tell you, knowing the trends in the foreign currency exchange market makes all the difference. Thanks to the one and four hour charts your MACD indicator will give you, you`ll be able to see the prevailing trends in the market and take advantage of them.
By learning to watch both sets of charts you should be able to pin point which currencies are trending upwards and which are trending down. When both the 4 hour and the 1 hour MACDs are trending up your chances of entering a profitable trade are more likely.
Before making a trade, it`s recommended to have a look at how the MACD indicator is moving on your hourly chart. A MACD indicator above the waterline means you have the best chance of making a trade which will work well for you by trading long on this currency.
Of course its important to recognize that no single indicator will give you accurate trading results every time. This particular charting system works best when used in conjunction with other signal indicator software and tools as well. However if you do choose to use it on its own to monitor the movements of particular currencies then it is possible to use the MACD indicator to give you a higher chance of trading profitably.
If you want to be as successful as you possibly can as a Forex trader, then a MACD indicator is one tool which you can`t afford to be without. It`s a wise investment in your trading career
MACD is an acronym for Moving Average Convergence Divergence and it can help you determine which trades are more likely to result in a profitable outcome and which trades you should be avoiding or trading short.
When trading foreign currencies, its important to realize that the market can be quite volatile. This can mean a trade that might have shown signals of being profitable a few hours ago can turn suddenly into a downward spiral.
Success in the Forex market depends on using strategies and tools which help you to minimize losses and maximize the profitability if your trades. A MACD indicator helps you to track upwards trends in currency prices in real time, as well as spotting when a currency has peaked and is headed downwards.
How Do MACD Indicators Work? - The MACD is composed of a few different moving average indicators, each of which is pretty straightforward. One is the signal line (also known as the water line). This shows you the exponential moving average (EMA, for short) drawn from closing prices over the last nine days of trading in the currency market.
The upward or downward trend of a given currency are based on two different EMAs. There is a 12 day EMA as well as a 26 day EMA; taken together, these figures give you a better picture of the movements of this currency.
The MACD line may be above or below this EMA waterline. Based on where the EMA line falls, it indicates whether the currency you`re looking at is on the upswing or headed in the other direction.
Using the MACD Indicator in Your Forex Trades - Once you learn how to read the charts and come to an understanding of what the MACD`s movements mean you will be able to make better forex trades more easily. As any experienced Forex trader can tell you, knowing the trends in the foreign currency exchange market makes all the difference. Thanks to the one and four hour charts your MACD indicator will give you, you`ll be able to see the prevailing trends in the market and take advantage of them.
By learning to watch both sets of charts you should be able to pin point which currencies are trending upwards and which are trending down. When both the 4 hour and the 1 hour MACDs are trending up your chances of entering a profitable trade are more likely.
Before making a trade, it`s recommended to have a look at how the MACD indicator is moving on your hourly chart. A MACD indicator above the waterline means you have the best chance of making a trade which will work well for you by trading long on this currency.
Of course its important to recognize that no single indicator will give you accurate trading results every time. This particular charting system works best when used in conjunction with other signal indicator software and tools as well. However if you do choose to use it on its own to monitor the movements of particular currencies then it is possible to use the MACD indicator to give you a higher chance of trading profitably.
If you want to be as successful as you possibly can as a Forex trader, then a MACD indicator is one tool which you can`t afford to be without. It`s a wise investment in your trading career
Forex for Beginners - Starting guide and precautions to be taken
There are many things that need to be learnt before you venture into Forex trade. This is particularly so if you are a beginner. In general, the term ‘Forex’ refers to “Foreign exchange trading”. In a layman term, Forex can be defined as a process of buying or selling a country’s currency using the currency of another nation. To learn more about Forex, you need to spend some time in the Forex market, talk to experts in this trade, and understand different precautions that need to be taken regularly and so on. These days, you will get lots of details about Forex on the internet. But before you venture into Forex full-time, you need to take a few precautions.
1. Do not follow everybody blindly: It is not difficult for you to find people claiming to be experts in Forex. Believing in them and taking their advices without doing any background check can backfire on you at any stage of trading in the Forex market. Most of these people who make tall claims hardly know anything about Forex in reality. They are out there to swindle you in a big way. You would do well to stay away from such people.
2. Being less confident or over confident: Most beginners tend to be either over confident or less confident before venturing into Forex market. Few of them believe that a session or two in the Forex market can go a long way to help them get freed from debt. Though it is a possibility, success in Forex market doesn’t come that easily. A whole lot of hard work, experience and a bit of luck is required to taste success in this game. If you are ready to sweat it out and ready to the learn basics from an expert, chances are that you will get freed from debt using your trading actions in a Forex market.
3. Poor money management: If you are very bad in managing your money, chances are that you are going to have a tough time in the Forex market. You cannot afford to spend too much money or little of it all the time while trading. You need to wait for the opportunities to arrive and be quick to make the most out of them when they finally arrive. Accordingly, you need to spend your money.
4. Employing wrong methods: As a beginner in this game, you can ill afford to employ bad tricks or methods in exercising your options in the Forex market. There will always be myths doing their rounds in the market. You cannot afford to spend your time on these myths or consider them seriously. If you are able to employ correct methods at correct times, chances are that you can get freed from debt that was previously hanging over your neck all the time.
5. Responsibility: As a beginner, you need to be responsible for all your actions in the Forex market. Your actions here can either make you or break you. Be careful while making decisions or while trading with somebody.
1. Do not follow everybody blindly: It is not difficult for you to find people claiming to be experts in Forex. Believing in them and taking their advices without doing any background check can backfire on you at any stage of trading in the Forex market. Most of these people who make tall claims hardly know anything about Forex in reality. They are out there to swindle you in a big way. You would do well to stay away from such people.
2. Being less confident or over confident: Most beginners tend to be either over confident or less confident before venturing into Forex market. Few of them believe that a session or two in the Forex market can go a long way to help them get freed from debt. Though it is a possibility, success in Forex market doesn’t come that easily. A whole lot of hard work, experience and a bit of luck is required to taste success in this game. If you are ready to sweat it out and ready to the learn basics from an expert, chances are that you will get freed from debt using your trading actions in a Forex market.
3. Poor money management: If you are very bad in managing your money, chances are that you are going to have a tough time in the Forex market. You cannot afford to spend too much money or little of it all the time while trading. You need to wait for the opportunities to arrive and be quick to make the most out of them when they finally arrive. Accordingly, you need to spend your money.
4. Employing wrong methods: As a beginner in this game, you can ill afford to employ bad tricks or methods in exercising your options in the Forex market. There will always be myths doing their rounds in the market. You cannot afford to spend your time on these myths or consider them seriously. If you are able to employ correct methods at correct times, chances are that you can get freed from debt that was previously hanging over your neck all the time.
5. Responsibility: As a beginner, you need to be responsible for all your actions in the Forex market. Your actions here can either make you or break you. Be careful while making decisions or while trading with somebody.
8 Forex Trading Mistakes That Could Result To Margin Call
In this article, I am going to give you 8 factors that can result to margin call and they are :
1 IGNORANT OF NEWS EVENTS Most ignorant technical traders often have there trading account badly damaged if not wiped out during news event releases… I therefore recommend that you get familiar with economic calendars even if you do not like trading them.
2 OVER TRADING Most ignorant traders often over trade in any of the following ways: opening more positions than they should, not knowing when they have exceeded their trading limits. I recommend trading only one position at a time as a beginner.
3 NO TRADING SYSTEM One of the worst things that can happen to a trader is to chase after pips or dollars without a proven system. To succeed in trading you need a proven and tested decent trading system.
4 NO TRADING PLAN A plan gives you the road map to your destination. When you have no plan, you will surely not know when you miss the way.
5 NOT KNOWING WHERE TO PLACE STOP LOSS ORDER And have high probability for profits It is one thing to place stop loss orders, it is another thing to know where to place them in order to avoid being stopped out before price resumes in your analyzed irend and entry direction.
6 NOT KNOWING HOW TO MONITOR MARGIN ACCOUNT If you do not know when your account is running into margin call, certainly you will not know when to cut your losses..
7 NOT KNOWING HOW TO IDENTIFY A TREND AND RIDE WITH IT You trading system should be able to identify new market trends and , trend corrections and trend reversal.
8 ALLOWING MAXIMUM DRAW DOWN ON AN ACCOUNT When your account is drawn down by say 50% in one trade, you should know that it will not take you a profit of 50% to return to your previous balance. It will rather take you 100% profit in your remaining balance before the account was drawn down.
The above 8 mistakes put together can result in a margin call. Send a blank e mail to wealthklub@yahoo.com to Get a free report on a powerful forex trading system that generates an average of 500 pips ($5000 on a standard account) monthly plus how $5100 was turned to $40,000 without lifting a finger
1 IGNORANT OF NEWS EVENTS Most ignorant technical traders often have there trading account badly damaged if not wiped out during news event releases… I therefore recommend that you get familiar with economic calendars even if you do not like trading them.
2 OVER TRADING Most ignorant traders often over trade in any of the following ways: opening more positions than they should, not knowing when they have exceeded their trading limits. I recommend trading only one position at a time as a beginner.
3 NO TRADING SYSTEM One of the worst things that can happen to a trader is to chase after pips or dollars without a proven system. To succeed in trading you need a proven and tested decent trading system.
4 NO TRADING PLAN A plan gives you the road map to your destination. When you have no plan, you will surely not know when you miss the way.
5 NOT KNOWING WHERE TO PLACE STOP LOSS ORDER And have high probability for profits It is one thing to place stop loss orders, it is another thing to know where to place them in order to avoid being stopped out before price resumes in your analyzed irend and entry direction.
6 NOT KNOWING HOW TO MONITOR MARGIN ACCOUNT If you do not know when your account is running into margin call, certainly you will not know when to cut your losses..
7 NOT KNOWING HOW TO IDENTIFY A TREND AND RIDE WITH IT You trading system should be able to identify new market trends and , trend corrections and trend reversal.
8 ALLOWING MAXIMUM DRAW DOWN ON AN ACCOUNT When your account is drawn down by say 50% in one trade, you should know that it will not take you a profit of 50% to return to your previous balance. It will rather take you 100% profit in your remaining balance before the account was drawn down.
The above 8 mistakes put together can result in a margin call. Send a blank e mail to wealthklub@yahoo.com to Get a free report on a powerful forex trading system that generates an average of 500 pips ($5000 on a standard account) monthly plus how $5100 was turned to $40,000 without lifting a finger
Forex Currency Trading - The Volume Affects Price
Forex currency trading can seem extremely complicated, but it doesn't have to be. There are many different technical analysis types to help, but don't get bogged down in them. Instead of overdoing it on analysis, focus on price and volume. Here's a little bit more about this strategy and how it can help your trading.Don't ignore the past. It came from somewhere, and you can learn from it. Over the part thirty years, the record of the Forex market has been affected by volume and price - if your chart's saying one thing, and the price says another, you can be sure that price will win. Past examples have taught us that much. At the end of the day, the price is always right, no matter how the chart looks.Does that mean you have to throw out all your charts? No - the indicator isn't the only factor to look at. However, using all the pieces of the puzzle at once is the only way to get the entire picture, and price makes up a lot of that puzzle. Paying attention to multiple factors will help you in your future trading, and you'll have a much better chance of making a profit.Periodically, indicators will tell you that the trend is about to change. Divergence is when price indicates one thing and indicators say something else. As we discussed above, the price always wins, but many people just aren't willing to believe that. They'd rather put their trust in their indicators for Forex currency trading. That's a sure way to lose, however. After all, it's not as though you make money off the indicators. The money comes from choosing the right price to buy and to sell. Indicators are a great way to get a second opinion, or to confirm what you believe the price is telling you. Don't forget your stop losses, either. Your stops are vital to keep you from making a bad trade - never trade without them, no matter how tempting. Use platforms that offer guaranteed stop losses if you possibly can, or work with a broker who believes in them strongly.So, how do you know what the price is telling you? You need to focus on what prices are doing, relative to what they've done previously. Look at where the price closes relative to the previous close, or relative to the open. That tells you how the market feels about a particular currency.In addition to price, there's also volume. In Forex currency trading, volume plays an important role. Look at the levels of price commitment, and see if many buyers and sellers are influencing things, or if it's all coming from just a few. Big moves in price coming from just a few people may be dismissed. Big moves coming from lots of buyers working in high volumes are a sign you need to pay attention. Volume spikes usually mean that people have changed how they feel about a given currency.So, if you're interested in getting involved in Forex currency trading and doing well, price and volume are two things you've got to pay attention to. They can be even more important than what your other indicators are saying. At the end of the day, look at how much a price has varied, and how many people and what volume are involved. That'll tell you much of what you need to know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
